‘Bad Teacher’ gets solid, shaking one’s head, ‘F’

June 24, 2011

By Steve Crum
 
Like Bad Santa, Bad Teacher is among the most aptly titled movies in film history. Unfortunately, the adjective “bad” has taken on urban slang that changes its meaning to “very good.” Believe me, stick with the Webster’s Dictionary definition. The “teacher” in Bad Teacher is definitely not admirable in the least, let alone very good. The referenced teacher, Miss Halsey, portrayed by the sultry Cameron Diaz, is rude, vulgar, self-centered, and morality-free. In her middle school classroom, she sleeps while showing videos to her students. She also taps into her teacher desk bottom drawer to smoke pot and swig booze whenever she can.
 
The simply written scenario, by Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, follows gold digger Elizabeth Halsey, as she attempts to wrangle money out of anyone or anything. Early on, she is engaged to a wealthy guy, but their relationship abruptly ends when his mother discovers Elizabeth desires dollar signs over love hearts. That forces Elizabeth back to a second year of teaching at John Adams Middle School. Her novice year, we earlier observe, was pretty much a failure, yet she is oddly welcomed back like she was Teacher of the Year. For that matter, how in the world did this lady even get a teaching degree? Regarding basic tenants of instruction and administrative compliance, she is clueless. John Adams Middle is a fantasy unto itself, with incompetent Principal Wall Snur (John Michael Higgins), assisted by nary one assistant principal. There is not even a security guard on the premises. (A budgetary problem with movie production?) Also, a first or second year teacher would have frequent visits from the principal and district personnel to evaluate her classroom performance. That never occurs in this fairy tale.

The overall faculty further insults the education profession via their depiction as dorky dimwits in charge of comparatively bright, sophisticated students. At an Open House, parents are shown as concerned, upper middle class types, yet accepting of Halsey’s daily movie showings in her classroom. In fact, Halsey could care less about her professional demeanor until she hears that she could win $5,000 for having the best state test scores. Her lofty reason: so she can have breast enlargement to attract a wealthy guy. No surprise there is a graphic sequence of her choosing the best “boob job” at the doctor’s office. Folks, this is the script crux of Bad Teacher. Could writers Stupnitsky and Eisenberg really be junior high nerds themselves, writing this kind of repressed, sexual claptrap?
 
As Halsey behaves like she is a sleazy waitress at some dive cafeteria, her fellow staffers do not seem that concerned. They include Scott Delacorte (Justin TImberlake), the substitute teacher who is naive about Halsey’s lustful attraction; the lusting gym teacher, Russell Gettis (Jason Segel); and Lynn Davies, played by The Office’s Phyllis Smith. Lucy Punch plays the well named Amy Squirrel, a competitive fellow teacher who was last year’s winner of the state score prize money.

Directing like he has absorbed every episode of TV’s Reno-911 is Jake Kasdan (Freaks and Geeks TV series). For all the crotch shots alone, Kasdan just might graduate to grade 8.
 
There were those in the audience at Bad Teacher’s screening who consistently howled, nearly falling on the floor, at each utterance of the f-word, and at each toilet joke. Once again, the Judd Apatow-influenced school of witless comedy reinforces that we should bust a gut laughing at virtually the lowest of low humor. This is funny? No. This is 92 minutes of wasted acting talents given some of the most boorish set pieces imaginable.
 
Bad Teacher? Rename this one Terrible Flick.
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GRADE: On an A to F Scale: F
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Despite dicey plot, ‘X-Men: First Class’ is spectacular fun

June 4, 2011

By Steve Crum
 
It is about time, and I mean past and present when referencing superhero movies. We are aware, aren’t we, that at a given time in any such film franchise, there has to be a movie about the origin of said superhero. After three movies exploring the exploits of Dr. Xavier and his avenging band of mutant heroes, now is the right moment to release a prequel, explaining how it all began…when a flame thrower was merely an ember, and a mental condition did not yet elevate mountains. X-Men: First Class fills the sci-fi bill.
 
After all, two years ago, Star Trek fans were finally, after decades, given the lowdown on how Kirk, Spock and McCoy began the accent from their home planets into the universe in the prequel, Star Trek. Seeing a young cast in the Shatner, Nimoy and Kelley roles, framed in a story line befitting the legends they were portraying, was extremely entertaining. Knowing direction by J. J. Abrams undoubtedly helped the picture’s success.
 
Now, the heretofore independent director Matthew Vaughn grabs the reigns held by Bryan Singer and Brett Ratner in the previous three movies. Vaughn handles it very well, working the young cast through a troublesome script, concocted by a four-writer team. The core of their story, in addition to depicting how the future heroes and villains evolved, centers on an actual historical event of 1962, the Cuban Missile Crisis. It is always dicey at best to mix historical fact with comic book fantasy, so the final product of X-M:FC bodes not so well.

In the 1960’s, DC Comics actually featured Superman in one issue, battling the Vietcong, well, a gigantic Vietcong soldier. Setting Superman in the jungles of Vietnam, during a current war, was a mistake. For one thing, Superman was there only to take care of essentially a super villain. Once the bad guy was captured, Superman then left the war in the hands of American soldiers. Incredibly, a weak explanation was given that Superman felt he should leave the matters of war between earthlings TO earthlings. In other words, Superman could have easily ended any war, actually, and anywhere on earth. Talk about an imbalance of power!
 
A similar dilemma occurs in X-M:FC. I do not want to be a story spoiler, so let us say there are some huge plot holes created when mixing the navies of the USA and USSR with super-mutants. Damn the true happenings during those terrifying JFK days, and full speed ahead to entertain 2011 audiences. Surely youngsters seeing X-M:FC will not be thoroughly misinformed with this much more entertaining history redux. It is scary to contemplate.
 
Then again, there is the origin of Erik Lensherr, who will eventually be Magneto, the X-Men’s supreme nemesis. X-M:FC repeats his beginnings, first told in X-Men (2000), wherein the young Erik is separated from his parents as they are incarcerated at a concentration camp, and violently reacts by using his mind/magnetic power to fight his Nazi captors. That sequence is then enlarged upon in this prequel to introduce a deliciously evil Kevin Bacon as Nazi interrogator Sebastian Shaw, who wants to use Erik’s powers. Fans of superhero movies realize that there has to be a strong adversary to make the movie work. Bacon is as rotten, conniving, and darkly brilliant as they come. It is his best work in years.
 
Then again, without being overly analytical, anyone possessing Erik’s powers could easily have defeated the Nazis and ended WWII. But that story possibility is quickly ignored. (Yeah, yeah, Erik had yet to fully realize his awesomeness, so there is a degree of credibility here after all.)
 
Now young adults, mentalist Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Erik (Michael Fassbender) have yet to assume their Professor X and Magneto monikers. They are friendly mutants just beginning to develop their powers. They befriend other mutants invited to live at Xavier’s home, as a psychological retreat if nothing else. We are eventually introduced, among others, to Jennifer Lawrence’s Raven/Mystique, Alex Gonzalez’s Janos Quested/Riptide, Nicholas Hoult’s Hank/Beast, and January Jones’ glassy-gorgeous Emma Frost. Unless you are a comic book freak, you will need a score card to keep track of all the heroes, villains, and changing names. (By the way, I consider myself a one-time comic book freak, having collected and traded throughout my youth–decades ago.)
 
Sure, the X-Men: First Class revisionist history, plot device is troublesome, but the film’s digital effects provide enough spectacular action and levitation eye candy to soothe any blue Beast.
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GRADE on an A to F Scale: B
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‘Thor’ hits nail with above average comic book action, dialogue

May 7, 2011

By Steve Crum

Comic Book 101 states: “In the DC Comics universe, an alien force/superhero is transported to earth (Superman) as a safe haven. In the Marvel Comics cosmos, an alien/superhero (Thor) is banished to earth as punishment.” So the creators of Thor envision our planet, particularly the New Mexico desert where Thor lands, as a galaxial Abu Dhabi.

That pseudo-definition sets the premise for Thor, the latest in an ongoing long line of Marvel hero flicks. Prepare for the onslaught since creator Stan Lee claims there are 5,000 different characters owned by Marvel. For my loose change, Thor was always the clunkiest of all the Marvel characters. This is because Thor is basically a mythological muscle guy who totes a large, planet-shattering hammer.

Thor evidently impressed Kenneth Branagh, who fondly remembers reading the comic books as a boy, and then leaped at the opportunity to direct the film version. The result is an above average comic book-based film with–no surprise–Shakespearean shadings. Branagh’s background has notably been as director-star of several movie versions of Shakespeare’s plays. Thor’s costumes, grandiose sets, and mannered delivery mirror the Bard’s work. This is not saying Thor is another Henry V (also directed by Branagh). After all, Thor’s screenplay (by Ashley Edward Miller, Zack Stenz and Don Payne) is pretty simplistic, basically good versus evil. The good is symbolized in Thor, the evil are the ice warriors, the scary freeze terrors of deep space.

There is a whole lot of transporting in Thor, from the celestial kingdom located at the top of the universe to the frozen land of Jotunheim (ice warrior central) to planet earth, and back and forth. Thor and his friends are shown as blurry images, hurtling through space at warp speed.

The story opens in the New Mexico desert where fellow astrophysicists Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), Dr. Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgard), and an assistant are driving while investigating strange goings on in the sky. They nearly collide with something that has just exploded just in front of them, and a human-like figure hits the side of their vehicle. It turns out that the explosion, causing a crater, is Thor’s power hammer, Mjolnir. (Yes, the hammer has a moniker. Think King Arthur’s Excalibur.) And that is Thor (Chris Hemsworth) himself, now stripped of his armor and cape after being banished from his outer space home, who runs into the side of the van.

It seems that King Odin (Anthony Hopkins), Thor’s father, was on the verge of bestowing his crown on Thor when Thor broke a treaty and sneaked off to seek vengeance on Odin’s enemy Laufey, who is ruler of the frozen land of Jotunheim. So Odin punishes his son by hurtling him to earth. This leaves Thor’s brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) as heir apparent, which is where the plot proverbially thickens like a bomb pop. Jealousy and the yearning for power factor in.

Back on Mama Earth, the embedded hammer, Mjolnir, resting in the center of the crater it created, has been sealed off by SHIELD, earth’s super secret intelligence agency. At the same time, Odin has evidently suffered a stroke, and is near death as his wife Frigga (Rene Russo) grieves. This all gives brother Loki, who has ice guy genes, opportunity to act out his dark side with Laufey who wants to rule the galaxy.

It does not take long for Thor to adapt to humans, and his fondness for Jane is reciprocated. Thor re-teams with his homeland pals, and gets to fight a gigantic, laser-zapping robot sent via Laufey. Incidentally, the sequence in which Thor’s friends stroll down the center of the street of the small, New Mexico town just after arriving is a ringer for the memorable scene in Superman II wherein General Zod and his two buds stroll down a small town’s street. However, Thor’s pals are town-friendly.

All said, Thor is above average movie eye candy. It is preferably viewed in 3-D, even though there is no spectacular, out-of-screen imagery. Nonetheless, Bo Welch’s opulent sets and Alexandra Byrne’s costumes dazzle. Branagh’s direction, as well as the writing, which includes an abundance of intelligent dialogue sequences (for a comic book), are a plus–as is the acting overall.

Thor is not as clunky as I recall, not at all.
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GRADE On an A to F Scale: B
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PART II: The Sequel, Prequel, Remake, Superhero Summer of 2011

April 22, 2011




By Steve Crum

 

Two Marvels and a DC describe the comic book superheroes represented on screen over the next three months. There are also enticing to retched titles running the gamut from aliens to penguins to zombies.

THE SUPERHERO BUNCH
•Thor (May 6)—Based on the clunkiest Marvel Comics superhero of them all (here played by Chris Hemsworth), since his shtick is having mythical roots, and wielding a large hammer. Sort of like Hercules carrying a clobberin’ club. That simple premise will pull me into the theater. Kenneth Branagh directing Natalie Portman and Anthony Hopkins is added attraction.
•Green Lantern (June 17)—One of my childhood’s favorite DC Comics heroes, GL is green-ray driven through his power ring. Ryan Reynolds stars.
•Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22)—Chris Evans dons red, white and blue to battle super Nazi Red Skull (Hugo Weaving) during WWII. Yet another Marvel hunk to unite the peace loving world.

INTRIGUING MOVIES…
•Hobo with a Shotgun (May 6)–Rutger Hauer is the hobo, the shotgun plays itself. Sounds like the homeless have a superhero. This title has Snakes on a Plane appeal.
•The First Grader (May 13)—An 80 year-old African enrolls in Grade 1.
•Hesher (May 13)—Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a pot-headed, garage-dwelling rocker, man.
•Midnight in Paris (May 20)—Woody Allen’s 42nd film has star-laced cast including Kathy Bates and Owen Wilson.
•Beautiful Boy (June 3)—A family stresses when the son decides to shoot up his school.
•Beginners (June 3)—Ewan McGregor plays Christopher Plummer’s son, both dealing with dad’s gay revelation.
•Super 8 (June 10)—J. J. Abrams directs harrowing story of teens filming their own zombie movie, and stumbling upon a real, living, dead person en route.
•Buck (June 17)—Documentary of the last of the true cowboys. B. Brannaman.
•Mr. Popper’s Penguins (June 17)—Channeling Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey is surrounded by six Gentoo Penguins. Also starring Angela Lansbury as an irate landlady.
•Page One (June 17)—Documentary about The New York Times, behind the scenes.
•Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop (June 24)—Tribulations and motivations of TV’s red headed, late night host are explored via documentary.
•Larry Crowne (July 1)—Tom Hanks directs, stars with Julia Roberts, who plays his jr. college teacher. Hanks is highly motivated, his teacher is insensitive. The perfect love story.
•Project Nim (July 8)—Disturbing, true story documenting Nim Chimpsy’s training to teach him human language.
•Cowboys & Aliens (July 29)—Daniel (James Bond) Craig and Harrison Ford, director Jon Favreau, and producers Steven Spielberg and Ron Howard team in this big budget sci-fi western. The top of my must-sees.
•Crazy, Stupid, Love (July 29)—Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone star in a romantic comedy of morals and manners. Will Carell have post-Office, box office chops? Looks likely.
•The Help (Aug. 12)—All about African-American maids of wealthy whites, Down South, in the 1960’s. Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Sissy Spacek, and Octavia Spencer star.

ODD, BUT WORTH THE TIME & MONEY?
•The Beaver (May 6)—Blend Jodie Foster as star and director with co-star Mel Gibson as a suicidal guy who speaks through his beaver hand puppet.
•Priest (May 13)—Horror flick set in aftermath of human vs vampire war.
•Bad Teacher (June 24)—Just what American education needs these cutback days, a role model like the teacher Cameron Diaz portrays: a jr. high teacher who keeps pot and booze in her classroom. Justin Timberlake co-stars as a substitute teacher.

•Horrible Bosses (July 8)—Three buddies team up to literally murder their respective bosses, a twist on Nine to Five. Kevin Spacey, Colin Ferrell, Jennifer Aniston star. A far from light comedy.
•The Change-Up (Aug. 5)—Freaky Friday flip of swinging bachelor and a married guy exchanging identities. The fantasy of it all.

DON’T WANNA SEE, BUT PROBABLY WILL SINCE I’M A CRITIC
•Passion Play (May 6)—Mickey Rourke’s jazz musician falls for Megan Fox, who has wings. Michael?
•Bridesmaids (May 13)–The flip side of The Hangover, featuring rowdy babe pals carousing the town for a good time. Homage to the recent royal wedding, no doubt.
•Submarine (June 3)—Teen strives to lose virginity to save his parents’ marriage.
•Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer (June 10)—Any movie featuring Jaleel White (Steve Urkel of Family Matters) as a weird third grade teacher can’t be totally worthless, can it?
•Just Like Me (June 10)–Arab-American stand-up comedians on tour. “Take my country, please!”
•Trollhunter (June 10)—Trolls have infested Norway’s forests. Who do ya call?
•Zookeeper (July 8)—Kevin James is a keeper of talking zoo animals voiced by Cher, Sly Stallone, Judd Apatow, and other human beings.
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CRUM’S TOP 6 SUMMER MUST-SEE MOVIES: Cowboys & Aliens; Captain America: The First Avenger; The Help; Rise of the Planet of the Apes; Super 8; and Thor.

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Keep this list until Sept. 1, and see if my predictions were correct. If they were not, please do not seek me out.
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PART I: The Sequel, Prequel, Remake, Superhero Summer of 2011

April 22, 2011



By Steve Crum

What can be said about summer movies? Summer good, summer not so. By September, we’ll know the successes and failures, but from an April, 2011 perspective, making predictions about the May-August movies is game-on. And what is gamier than an upcoming movie named Hobo with a Shotgun?

Of the 100+ movie openings beginning May 1, I have perused studio hype, production overviews, photos, interviews, and cast lists to help shape at least a semblance of credibility. The bottom line, however, is that it all whittles down to my own intestinal intuition (critic-speak for “gut feeling”). Factor in 60 years of viewing motion pictures, with a latter 35 years of critical scrutiny via review writing.

Superheroes have been scarce over the past couple of summers, but villains beware. This summer the DC and Marvel guys report for active duty in the guises of Thor, Captain America, Green Lantern, and X-Men. Even that sword wielding muscle guy, Conan the Barbarian, returns –minus Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Realize that producing a sequel or remake of a popular movie nearly always translates to box office bucks, and you will understand why studios seem to be out of original movie ideas. 

Why risk it? That is why the likes of Harry Potter, Transformers, Spy Kids, Cars, Kung Fu Panda, and even Winnie the Pooh will undoubtedly fill theaters this summer. Popular actors and directors are linked to a variety of titles over the next four months. Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts team in Larry Crowne; Woody Allen’s 42nd movie, Midnight in Paris, opens; Jim Carrey is surrounded in Mr. Popper’s Penguins; Jodie Foster directs Mel Gibson in The Beaver; and Harrison Ford straps on a holster to outshoot nasty ET’s in Cowboys & Aliens.

Filmgoers whose credo is to go the movies for pure escape, forgetting the cares and stresses of daily life, should love this summer. The aliens, talking cars, and giant hammer wielders are coming.

SEQUELS/PREQUELS, REMAKES/REBOOTS aka BOX OFFICE GOLD
•Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (May 20)—Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack returns to keep the franchise afloat.
•The Hangover Part II (May 26)—It’s not my cup of booze to laugh at guy friends getting drunk and behaving like jackasses, but apparently the movie going mass loves it. A second round, barkeep.
•Kung Fu Panda 2 (May 26)—Has it been three years since Jack Black voiced the Po bear? The Dragon Warrior returns.
•X-Men: First Class (June 3)—Dr. Xavier’s back story of his pre-wheelchair, pre-skinhead days is told. James McAvoy takes over Patrick Stewart’s persona.
•Cars 2 (June 24)—Disney/Pixar has added more colorful, talking cars five years after the original family hit.
•Transformers: Dark of the Moon (July 1)—Producers of this third take promise a better story than the last, the second, movie. Then again, the second movie made more than the first, so who’s counting quality?
•Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows—Part 2 (July 15)—Finally? Finally! Fans are promised non-stop action and a figuratively emotional broomstick ride. THE event of summer’s flicks.
•Winnie the Pooh (July 15)—Was it necessary for Disney to remake its own classic? Does computerizing it make it any better?
•Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Aug. 5)—Finally, after a bunch of sequels, a prequel. James Franco stars in the story of how a chimp first went ape over the gorilla his dreams. OK, went bananas. But seriously, this one sounds interesting since it follows the rise of simian dominance over humans. No Heston, but maybe a Statue of Liberty.
•Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (Aug. 12)—ANY film by director Guillermo del Toro, even a redo like this one, is worthy of note.
•Conan the Barbarian (Aug. 19)—If this gives new star Jason Momoa the same career leverage it did Arnold, it could be Gov. Momoa down the line.
•Fright Night (Aug. 19)—Roddy McDowall is gone, but Colin Ferrell could carry this 3-D take on the original’s creepy vampire tale.
•Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (Aug. 19)—Is it worth dragging grade schoolers to see this installment?
•Final Destination 5 (Aug. 26)—What a misnomer title, unless this is truly the finality. Let it be.
[Continued in Part II…]
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Here’s the new, but improved (?) Conan the Barbarian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1iJZIMddpM

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