Author: Steve Crum
IT’S CRUMMY TRIVIA TIME…with CINDERELLA!
By Steve Crum
Is it deja vu when you see Enchanted, 2007’s very delightful Disney musical spoof of classic fairy tales? It should be, since several familiar children’s stories are lovingly and cleverly blended into one script, and gently spoofed. Enchanted’s primary tale, however, is Cinderella, which the Disney studio itself produced as a successful animated film in 1950. Enchanted marks the 60th time the Cinderella story has been produced for motion pictures. CINDERELLA, as a matter of fact, has been remade the most times of any story in film history. Beginning in 1898 with Great Britain’s silent Cinderella and the Fairy Godmother, there have been Cinderella ballets, cartoons, operas, parodies, and *gasp* porno versions produced worldwide. An oddity, and a particular favorite of mine, is Cinderfella (1960), in which Jerry Lewis plays the title character with Ed Wynn as his Fairy Godfather.
There were 21 silent Cinderella films, most notably Mary Pickford’s starring role in 1914’s Cinderella. Other quiet era titles were 1913’s Cinderella’s Slipper; a Dinky Doodle cartoon, Cinderella (1925); and the live action Cinderella and the Boob (1913). Note: The latter title was not an early porn flick.
Catch these sound era titles: First Love (1939) with Deanna Durbin; Cinderella’s Fella (1940) with Juanita Quigley; a Krazy Kat cartoon, Cinderella (1930); The Slipper and the Rose (1976); Sepia Cinderella (1947), a black version featuring Billy Daniels; and 1940’s Bright Path, a Communist take produced in the USSR. [Perhaps the glass slipper becomes property of the state?]
Will this Prince Charming, foot fitting madness ever end?!
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Sing along with Cinderella here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjIssqHQJ6o
July and August cannot be too hot: Teddy, JFK & Vaughn Meader
By Steve Crum
Sen. Edward M. Kennedy’s passing this week was a sad affair, but even at his family and friends-filled wake there was joy and laughter in celebration of his vibrant and focused life that was so accomplished. Teddy’s death marks the end of the idealistic era known as Camelot, a name associated with his late brother, President John F. Kennedy. The president and his wife were enamored of the Broadway musical Camelot, the press picked it up, and the Kennedy years at the White House were forever linked with Camelot’s King Arthur and his dream of a better world.
Those of us 50 and older remember another link with JFK and his family, Vaughn Meader. Meader was the alternate JFK, the one whose deft impression of him on The First Family comedy record album sold 7.5 million copies during the first year of its release–until Kennedy’s assassination on Nov. 22, 1963. That day, all records were pulled from the shelves due to extreme sensitivity over the JFK tragedy. During the same year, a sequel album, The First Family Vol. 2, was released and sold millions as well. It was also removed from stores the same day. Vaughn Meader’s phenomenal career as the premiere Pres. Kennedy imitator ended Nov. 22 too. Meader died in virtual obscurity on Oct. 29, 2004.Meader will never be forgotten by at least 7.5 million of us who listened, listened, listened to his albums, memorizing the numerous funny lines, and reciting them in mock New England/JFK dialect. We heard them everywhere those days–on radio, TV, and in department stores selling The First Family albums. As a high school kid, I did my impression of Meader-JFK every time I spoke to friends and relatives on the phone, and I was good…at least they told me so. It was a pervasive thing, and the kidding of our president was done with love and respect. There were some great lines, delivered with Kennedy accent: “The rubber shwan (meaning swan) is mine,” “Move ahead with great vigah (vigor)”, and “I would like to thank Richard Nixon for making this whole thing possible!” In 1963, President Kennedy introduced a Democratic Committee meeting with: “Vaughn Meader was busy tonight, so I came myself.”
Ted Kennedy, while only mentioned on the albums, was nonetheless part of the worldwide Meader madness prevailing. When asked at a press conference if he either enjoyed or was annoyed by The First Family album, JFK joked, “I listened to Mr. Meader’s record and, frankly, I thought it sounded more like Teddy than it did me.”
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An NPR tribute to The First Family and Vaughn Meader, including excerpts from the album, is linked here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4137273
Notice comic-impressionist Rich Little’s misquoting of JFK’s line about Teddy.
Time to rename the channels!
By Steve Crum
Having 150+ cable channels means there are networks specific in their programming. It is a beautiful thing to have a specific Golf Channel, and ESPN Channels with 24 hour sports of all types. Cable (and satellite) can be sports geek heaven. I am not a sports nut (occasionally I flip on golf, especially if it is my nap time), but I do have my favorite non-sports channels programmed into my clicker. Six of my favs are now ex-favs. They have joined the mass of my TV un-favs. It is all because of bait and switch. That is the old advertising fraud of advertising something that is really something else, like going to the store to buy an advertised brand name lawnmower, but you end up buying an off-brand for the same price since the store purposely failed to stock what was advertised. It is plain old deception, and a Federal Trade Commission no-no. Not so on TV.
Yes, money is the bottom line in TV, like practically everywhere else in life. The Weather Channel was fine just as it was conceived years ago, but NBC bought it, and now features Today Show weatherman Al Roker in his own joke and feature filled morning show. It is not a radical departure from weather stories and hurricane highlights, but it seems glitzier. The personable Roker as glitz is debatable, however.
As for my six past favorite channels previously mentioned, the boil down is simple: IT IS TIME TO RENAME THEM. In each case, the programming trend began in subtle ways. A show or two was added to the lineup as an obvious ratings grabber. Then another was added, and another until the concept of the channel had been altered beyond recognition. Some channels seem to be in the early stages of this reinvention (see The Smithsonian Channel). The Biography Channel is another matter. The days of back to back, and brilliantly produced, biographies of celebrities from entertainment, literature, commerce, politics, religion, military, and sports are long vanished. Remember those great biographies hosted and narrated by Peter Graves and Jack Perkins since 1987? Most of them have not been shown for years, when they originated on A&E. When they are shown, in a two hour block once or twice a day, the focus is usually on rock stars and mobsters. Mobsters seems to be the trend on Biography and other channels. Is there really viewer interest in thugs and prisons? Apparently so, sad to say. It is sickening to say too.
Examples follow. Perusing broadcast schedules last week, this is what I found as morning and prime time offerings on a half dozen speciality networks. Beginning with the Biography Channel…
THE BIOGRAPHY CHANNEL: City Confidential (about murders in specific American cities)…Mobsters (Bugsy Siegel, Al Capone, Pretty Boy Floyd, etc.)….Breaking Vegas (gambling stories)…Meth’s Deadly High…bios of rock stars who overdosed (at least these are from the Biography vault)…Notorious (hoodlums, murderers)…Ripley’s Believe It or Not (a biography of Mr. Ripley himself would be nice)…Psychic Investigators…Haunted History…Ghostly Encounters. Even a Casper the Friendly Ghost biography would be welcome.
THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL: What used to be a channel devoted to explorations and high adventure is now driven, literally, by its #1 rated program, a fun game show that takes place in a New York City taxi, Cash Cab, shown in two hour blocks. What is being discovered? Is that explorer Chris Columbus in that hack? Does one discover the answer in a mobile shout out? The real Discovery: Money talks.
THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL: Don’t expect 24/7 Jacques Cousteau and gorgeous National Geographic photography. Instead, lean back and enjoy Blow Down (a Vegas casino flick]…Ultimate Casino (more Vegas to explore)…Exploding Las Vegas (imploding old casinos)…Machines of War…Lost Missiles….Sinking Hitler’s Supership….The Real Bonnie and Clyde…Flying Carrier Aircraft. Sounds like rejects from The History Channel. Undoubtedly, younger viewers would be more attracted to Capone than Cousteau.
THE HALLMARK MOVIE CHANNEL: Hallmark has over 50 years of award winning Hallmark Hall of Fame dramas on their shelves. Granted, many from the early days are in black and white, and feature stars of old in equally dated stories. When I first heard that there would be a Hallmark Channel, I had hopes to enjoy the best television has offered since its inception. There should be enough in the library to fill months of viewing. However, the truth is Hallmark is snubbing its own history for the sake of ratings. It’s the money thing again. For the most part, younger families abhor anything not color, and prefer still living actors. With Disney, they make exceptions. That is why last week’s schedule featured evening after evening of Walt Disney family movies like Napoleon and Samantha,The Absent Minded Professor, and The Three Lives of Thomasina. A Hall of Fame kinescope of Helen Hayes as Queen Christina would be wonderful, but who in the target audience would watch it? I ask this grimly.
THE SMITHSONIAN CHANNEL: Surely there is at least one story for every collection stored in the many Smithsonian Institute buildings in Washington D.C. This relatively new speciality channel does feature many stories from their “vaults,” as one of their programs calls them. But off topic programs are popping up already. Consider Sky View: The Tudor Age, Lives That Changed the World (Nelson Mandela biography), Nature Tech, and Street Monkeys. Street Monkeys is a one hour nature series about a family of monkeys, sort of a simian reality show. Then there is Shark Therapy, Sci-Q , and Wanted: Anaconda. Is this the National Geographic or Nature Channel? To be fair, the National Zoo is part of the Smithsonian, so this accounts for the Wild Kingdom coverage.
THE HISTORY CHANNEL: History goes back…well, a long way. If you think that statement is profound, then consider this channel’s typical programming–focusing on the historic period of 1930-present: Gangland (mobsters since Chicago and bootlegging), Pawn (shop) Stars, Superhuman, Mail Call, and Lock N’ Load with R. Lee Ermey. These last two shows feature the popular former drill sergeant turned actor as he demonstrates weapons of warfare.
Time now for honesty. The name of a specialty channel should reflect its programming, so here are my revisions. No bait and switch here.
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Biography becomes…ENCOUNTERS WITH GHOSTS & THUGS CHANNEL
Discovery becomes…DISCOVERING CASH CAB WEALTH CHANNEL
National Geographic becomes…WWII & GAMBLING CHANNEL
Hallmark becomes…THE NEW DISNEY CHANNEL
Smithsonian becomes…THE NEW DISCOVERY CHANNEL
History becomes…THE GUNS-MOBSTERS-WWII CHANNEL
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Yawn. Time for my nap. The Golf Channel had better not change its programming.
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‘Inglourious Basterds’ splatters WWII with Tarantino’s bizzaro take
By Steve Crum
On one hand, there is the vicious, Jew hunting Nazi colonel, and on the other, there is the bloodthirsty American lieutenant leading a group of Nazi-killing Jews. Inglourious Basterds is all about this and, well, all about this. These previous descriptive sentences understate the truth. After all, this is a Quentin Tarantino movie. Much more lies around the edges and within its structure than we expect.
A Tarantino written and directed work, like his Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bills, is a multi-channeled, media-referenced mass. Obviously, Tarantino’s brain cells are forever tapped into every pop song, commercial jingle, TV show, and movie, especially B-movie, he has ever seen or heard. Of course, Tarantino’s referential hooks then tweak our recollections, further enhancing–even distracting from–whatever plot line is occurring. But that teasing distraction is just what he wants to convey. Tarantino lays them in on a near subliminal level, so the result is a maybe not so curious blend of nostalgia and comfort. Invariably, it makes one smile, even while turning away during a grossly violent sequence.Analyzing a Tarantino film is a happy distraction unto itself. What we get in Inglourious Basterds are the conventions of World War II spoofed, lampooned, and lambasted. It should cap the WWII film genre much the same as Mel Brooks did with horror movies (Young Frankenstein), westerns (Blazing Saddles), and Hitchcock thrillers (High Anxiety). Increase the graphic violence and language level, comparatively, for Inglourious Basterds. Incidentally, the misspelled title, called “an artistic flourish” by Tarantino, is but another off center inclusion. He refuses to explain it, leaving it to audience speculation. OK. So I feel free to say the film does have its share of characters who are glorified bastards as well as bastards not so glorified. This is simple observation, misspellings aside.
The film’s dark comedy is etched in the preamble: “Once upon a time (1941) in Nazi-occupied France….” Set up as if it were a fairy tale, let’s call it a very Grimm fairy tale, the story opens on a French farm in which a father is cutting wood as his daughters do chores in and outside their modest house. A small Nazi convoy drives up his long entrance, headed by SS Col. Hans Landa (brilliantly played by Christoph Waltz). Landa enters alone, and begins a cat and mouse style inquisition, now alone with the French farmer. It is a seemingly friendly chat they have, done with English subtitles. Yet the underlying tension is obvious. Landa suspects there are Jews hiding, probably in the very house in which the two sit as Landa sips fresh milk.
A Tarantino touch is a movie cliche as diversion; he has the colonel request the two speak in English since his French is not so sharp. The need for subtitles, which by the way are numerous throughout the film, is no longer necessary. This time-traveled my memory to the numerous WWII era films in which all Nazi soldiers spoke in King’s English as the British actors playing them. Again, a Tarantino tweak.
Landa immediately becomes the film’s center, even as we are introduced to the Pitt’s Nazi hating Lt. Aldo Raine. Again we get a Tarantino inside joke as he-man actor of the 1950’s Aldo Ray (Battle Cry, The Green Berets, and other war movies) is referenced. Raine’s Southern accent is not Aldo, however. It sounds, heavens to betsy, like George W. Bush, even down to his nicknaming everyone. Well, Bush is one of our wartime presidents, if that is any justification. But does Tarantino need justification? Nah.
Pitt’s characterization is outrageous and quite wonderful. No doubt he and Waltz will be Oscar nominated. Raine, a proud descendant of mountain man Jim Bridger, carries a Bowie knife for scalping, butchering and branding his captives, and his attitude is good ol’ boy, spit in your face contempt for the master race. His mission leads to Hitler himself, as well as all the top Nazi command, in an operation (called “Operation Kino”) involving the premiere of a Nazi propaganda movie and a Jewish theater owner. Within the plot we meet Raine’s Dirty Dozen-like squad, made up of Jews with vendettas, including Eli Roth’s Sgt. Donny Donowitz aka “The Bear Jew.” He is introduced coming out of a cave banging his baseball bat (for Nazi brain bashing) against the walls, as the music of composer Ennio Morricone (The Good, the Bad and the Ugly) sounds. It is showdown time. Tarantino structures the episodic film in labeled chapters, as he has done in previous works. Chapter 3, for example is “A German Night in Paris.” Another chapter is “The Master Race at Play.” Mel Brooks had a similar line in his anti-Nazi laced The Producers: “A Gay Romp with Adolph and Eva….” Tripping along within the tanks, machine guns and dynamite are cameos by Samuel L. Jackson (a narrator), Mike Myers (British Gen. Ed Fenech), and Rod Taylor (!) as Sir Winston Churchill. Also listen for Tarantino’s unbilled voice as an American soldier in the Nazi movie-within-this-movie, titled Nation’s Pride.
Balancing the comedy and drama is deftly handled by a great supporting cast that includes Melanie Laurent’s Jewish projectionist Shosanna Drefus, and Diane Kruger as actress-spy Bridget von Hammersmark. The fast pace of the film trips along with increased absurdities. No way is Inglourious Basterds meant to be a History Channel version of WWII. However, the more knowledgeable you are about WWII history and 20th Century pop culture, the more you will appreciate this Tarantino absurdity.
What a wildly violent and memorable absurdity it is.
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On an A to F Grade Scale: A-
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STARSTRUCK/Merman brings the house UP
By Steve Crum
ETHEL MERMAN [1908-84], The Grande Dame of the Broadway Stage, belted out at Kansas City’s Starlight Theatre during the hot and humid summer of 1968. She was in town for a week long run of her Broadway hit musical, Call Me Madam. My senior year at Emporia State was coming soon, and I was working once again as a resident camp counselor at Camp Lake of the Woods in Swope Park. I took the evening off to see the great Merm in person at KC’s legendary outdoor theater, also located in Swope Park. It was less than a mile from my camp.Merman played Sally Adams in Call Me Madam, a role for which she earned a 1951 Tony. Although the Irving Berlin scored play was very dated by 1968 with numerous Harry Truman jokes [he was prez in ’51] and post-WWII atmosphere, it was and remains a Merman classic. She even starred in a feature film version.
Opening night at the Starlight, however, there was a technical difficulty. Merman’s first number, sung stage center, face to the audience, was The Hostess With the Mostes’ on the Ball [“I was born on a thousand acres/Of Oklahoma land…”]. Merman’s microphone was dead. But that did not stop her. She obviously did not require a mic, as her booming voice projected out, up and around, penetrating the eardrum of every audience member in sight. Sitting three rows from the stage, I could really hear every Merman murmur, despite the sound glitch.
Then, around the lyric line, “And in Washington I’m known by one and all/As the hostess with the mostes’ on the ball,” the theater sound system kicked in, and Merman’s belting opened up another 10 notches. The audience, including yours truly, collectively jumped six inches in our seats. Merman never stopped, never hesitated. And the audience applauded her even more for it.
I figured this would be the only chance ever to see Merman in person, and it was. What a sensational performer, and memorable evening.
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For a clip of Ethel Merman singing with Donald O’Connor from the film Call Me Madam, follow this link: