Author: Steve Crum
Neither the sun nor many positives shine on dark love story ‘New Moon’
By Steve Crum
“You can’t trust vampires, believe me,” warns central vampire Edward Cullen in The Twilight Saga: New Moon. He is so right. But you can trust New Moon to deliver teen angst by the bloody bucketful. Nifty werewolf and vampire special effects barely mask New Moon’s soap opera bathos and melodramatics. Those who can’t get enough of either Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight novels or the first movie will no doubt be in hormone heaven over New Moon. For the rest of us, New Moon is 2+ hours of cheesy, adolescent lust wrapped in werewolves’ clothing.Homage to Shakespeare peppers Melissa Rosenberg’s screenplay. As the central teen characters study and recite Romeo and Juliet in English class, the tale of true love among feuding families plays out in real life. Instead of Capulets versus Montagues, however, we get the Cullen vampire family versus the Quileute wolf pack.
As this part two of the Twilight Saga begins, 18 year-old Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) still pines for Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). He and his family have left rustic Forks, Washington, endeavoring to keep Bella safe and humanly alive. That is opposed to being vampire-alive, which is what Bella really desires so she can forever be with neck-biter Edward. Throughout New Moon, Bella waxes suicidal via drowning, driving, and putting herself in harm’s way with a bad vampire. (Twilight is populated with both good and bad blood guzzlers. Edward is one of the good ones.)
As if Stewart’s Bella is not already the most emotionless soul on the planet, with the sullen Edward both out of town and touch, she becomes even more zombie-like. During lunch at school, she sits alone at Edward’s old table, staring into space. Constantly reminding her of Edward is the fact his image and voice pop up whenever she has any quandary. Enter a major conflict in her life, long time pal Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). Now that Edward is away, Jacob makes the play. Surely it is not a spoiler to remind (rather than reveal) all that Black is a closet werewolf. In fact, he is part of a werewolf pack who also live alternate human lives. As Bella and Jacob become closer, Edward reappears in the flesh (cold as it is), out of jealousy as well as fear for Bella’s well being. There is a funny scene of the three at a movie theater with Bella sitting between them. Both Edward and Jacob anticipate her holding their hand, to no avail. It is a cleverly subtle moment.
It is unfortunate that most of New Moon lacks such clever bits, since all its psuedo-Shakespearean love dialogue and pre-kiss panting wear thin early on. With too few action pieces like fights (between vampires, between werewolf and vampire, and between werewolves) occur, New Moon stretches longer than it is. We are given an iceberg tip sort of preview of what will happen in next year’s Eclipse installment of the series when Bella, Edward, and his family encounter the head council of vampires in Italy for some life (and death) threatening challenges. Watch for a too brief introduction of Dakota Fanning’s hurtful, red eye piercing vampire, Jane. Reportedly, Jane will reappear big time in Eclipse.
New Moon, under the mediocre direction of Chris Weitz, is more of an event than a satisfying film unto itself. Fans will love the bare chested Jacob and Edward, and Bella’s sleep deprived tossing and turning. One fan defended Jacob’s constant chest baring when she told me it was a necessity since he could turn into a werewolf at any time. If that is true, why is he wearing pants? In fact, his pants disappear and reappear in his back and forth transformations. Must be special wolf weave. Of course, it would change the film’s rating if it were otherwise. If you are not a Twilight fan, just savor moments like Bella accidentally pricking a finger or a hand or an arm (all occur), as a nearby vampire licks his chops watching the blood drips in slow motion. Try counting the number of times Bella is in either Edward’s or Jacob’s close proximity, as she speaks to their respective CHINS.
Bella is an eye contact avoider of the first order.
—————–
On an A to F Grade Scale: C-
——————–
Worth 1,000 Words: DAKOTA FANNING & fan
THIS WEEK, 15 YEAR-OLD DAKOTA FANNING joins the vampires and werewolves populating the Twilight franchise. THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON opens this Friday, Nov. 20. (She is already working on another installment which opens next year, THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE.)
Four years ago, on Oct. 12, 2005, it was 11 year-old Dakota who was in Kansas City as part of a cross country trek promoting her newest movie, Dreamer. During the hour-long interview, she told me (and a handful of other film critics) about working with Kurt Russell on Dreamer, as well as her just completed film, The War of the Worlds. And did she talk–and gush–about acting with Tom Cruise!
——————–
Pictured is yours truly with Dakota, following the interview, in a photo taken by Dakota’s mother. After the other critics had left the suite and headed home, I was still with Dakota (and her mom), since she was signing autographs for me. She then walked over to a nearby piano, and played a tune, expertly so. Later I bragged to the other critics that had they stayed around, they would have been treated to a private piano concert by Dakota Fanning. As it turned out, I was the only one so honored. She was–and probably still is–a very sweet, well spoken (great diction), and intelligent young lady. [from Steve Crum’s showbiz memorabilia collection]
——————–
Worth 1,000 Words: FRANK SINATRA at the SANDS
A FEW MONTHS BEFORE THIS UNIQUE PRESS PHOTO was taken, FRANK SINATRA [Dec. 12, 1915-May 14, 1998] had received a career boost when he won the Oscar for From Here to Eternity. Sinatra holds the hands of two show girls.
——————–
Dated June 10, 1954, the caption reads: Wynn Terry (seated, left) and Gladys Gardner (in front of her), Ziegfeld Girls prior to 1930, watch Frank Sinatra dance with their 1954 counterparts in a revival of the Ziegfeld Follies at the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas, Nev. Miss Gardner starred from 1913 to 1919, and is “Dean” of the Ziegfeld Girls. [from Steve Crum’s showbiz memorabilia collection]
——————–
To see and hear Frank Sinatra winning his Oscar, proceed here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubcVEuA55jc
For spectacular, end-of-the-world effects, plus trite script, ‘2012’ delivers
By Steve Crum
Flashing back to the 1970’s recalls that era’s long string of disaster movies, many by Irwin Allen. Titles like The Towering Inferno, Earthquake and The Poseidon Adventure forever reside in my cinema cells. There were so many to endure. Flash to present, and 2012 is the latest in director Roland Emmerich’s disaster movie string that includes Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, and Independence Day. Endure is the word now too. Despite gasp worthy special effects, 2012 clunks along with yakety, cliched speeches and a familiar aka cliched plot that tap into virtually every disaster flick ever produced.
Even 2012’s fantastic CGI effects become tiresome half-way into the 158 minutes long, and that means long, movie. How many cities do we have to see split apart, crushed, exploded, and tsunamied (yes, I’ve created an action verb) to overflow our Big Wow cup? Extreme Disaster, the series, time.
Emmerich channels his own doomsday library as well. In Independence Day, a scientist convinces the President of the United States that an alien invasion is imminent. 2012’s scientist, Adrian Hemsley (Chitwetel Ejiofor) eventually hooks U.S. President Wilson (Danny Glover) into believing the Mayan calendar’s sage prophecy is correct, resulting in the world essentially turning itself inside out on 12-21-12. Such tragedy occurs, so they say, once every 640 thousand years. What bum luck. Like Independence Day, there is a countdown to disaster inscribed on screen: 2010…2011…2012.
The story, co-written by Emmerich and Harald Klaser, is in traditional three acts: (1) the build-up, anticipating the disaster to come; (2) preparing for the inevitable catastrophe (making travel plans, gathering families together); and (3) trying to escape/survive the event.
That said, follow this fast summary of 2012. Act 1: The worst solar flares ever are observed by U.S. Government scientists. “For the first time the flares are causing a neutronic physical reaction (on earth),” warns one expert. “The earth’s core is overheating like a microwave.” Flooding occurs in India. Minor quakes are shaking California. (There is a funny sequence of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger as portrayed by an Arnold impersonator.) Key characters, including the Curtis Family, are introduced. Dad Jack (John Cusack) and Mom Kate (Amanda Peet) are divorced with two kids (Liam James and Morgan Lily). There is Kate’s boyfriend Gordon (Thomas McCarthy).
Let me add now that the actors do credible jobs, considering the wild plot, but no one should expect Oscar nods. (Flipping positive, the special effects will undoubtedly be nominated for an Oscar, and win.) Other characters include Pres. Wilson’s daughter Laura (Thandie Newton), the power hungry presidential aide Carl Anheuser (Oliver Platt), and Woody Harrelson’s conspiracy theory soothsayer, Charlie Frost. The Frost persona is common to disaster movies, since he represents the extremist, proactive element in society. In Independence Day, it was the scruffy eccentric played by Randy Quaid. In 2012, Frost hides out in Yellowstone National Park, and runs a maverick radio station from his trailer, spewing daily doomsday broadcasts. There is also a belligerent, wealthy Russian, Yuri Karpov (Zlatko Buric), with his mistress and obnoxious twin sons.
Act 2 revolves around relatives desperately trying to phone each other to reunite and make travel plans to somewhere safe. Look for George Segal in a small role as cruise ship entertainer Tony Delgatto.Act 3 really dominates the film with seemingly endless but spectacular effects. Principal characters run, dodge and jump via car, plane and ship as they trek to China for safety. (I will not spoil the surprise element awaiting them, but it reeks of government conspiracy.)
In the old movie days of Cecil B. DeMille, spectacle was often hyped as: “SEE! THE PARTING OF THE RED SEA!” and “MARVEL: A CAST OF THOUSANDS!” 2012 could boast a cast of millions (CGI enhanced, of course), and more: “SEE! HAWAII UNDER MOLTEN LAVA!…D.C. UNDER GRAY ASH!…YELLOWSTONE EXPLODE LIKE AN H-BOMB!”
Has anything really changed from DeMille to Allen to Emmerich?
——————–
On an A to F Grade Scale: C
——————–
Worth 1,000 Words: GENE AUTRY, JOAN CAULFIELD & CHAMPION
BACK IN THE MAKE-UP CHAIR AGAIN is cowboy great GENE AUTRY [Sept. 29, 1907-Oct. 2, 1998], as “The Smartest Horse in the Movies,” CHAMPION, waits his turn. “The Singing Cowboy” Gene, whose real first name was Orvon (Gene was his middle name), sang, acted, and rode the range in 100 movies from 1934-55. His distinct cowboy-country voice was featured in 600 songs that sold in the millions. His best sellers, the biggest being Christmas tunes, include: Back in the Saddle Again (his theme song), That Silver-Haired Daddy of Mine (which he wrote), Here Comes Santa Claus (which he also wrote), Frosty the Snowman, and Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer (his biggest hit, still heard every December). Gene Autry is represented by five stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. At the time of his death in 1998, Autry was still eagerly waiting for the baseball team he owned, the Los Angeles Angels, to win a World Series pennant.
——————–
A Trivia Note: The early years of TV’s Gunsmoke were filmed at Gene Autry’s movie ranch, named after one of his films as well as a song: Melody Ranch.
——————–
THIS CBS PUBLICITY STILL is a curio. Dated May 5, 1953 (on back), its headline is: TOUCH-UP. The suggested text to be run in newspapers and magazines nationwide: CBS-TV star Gene Autry and his horse, Champion, receive a final touch-up from Joan Caulfield and make-up artist Joe Schenck, in busy CBS Television City, Hollywood. The world’s largest plant built exclusively for television broadcasting will be the origination point for Miss Caulfield’s starring vehicle, “My Favorite Husband,” when it has its CBS-TV premiere in the fall. [from Steve Crum’s showbiz memorabilia collection]
——————–
More Trivia: Previous to its television run, Joan Caulfield’s sitcom, My Favorite Husband, had a healthy run on radio in the late 1940’s with Lucille Ball as its star. Lucy’s CBS-TV show, I Love Lucy, was #1 in viewer ratings in 1953.
——————–
Gene Autry is back in the saddle again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5F-O_19lSI